Fickle.

I felt so silly yet blissful..

Im grudgeful yet thankful..

Its bitter yet sweet..

i wish not t be reminded yet t never forget.. 

Tonight,

I just want t be alone yet feeling companied.. 

Till 2015..

Had th last tuition lesson for th year today. Finally I can have more time for myself(hopefully) till 2015. Hmm, 2014 has been a really really busy year for me. Having t juggle between school and giving tuition t 6 kids. Sometimes im really amazed by myself too. I have lectures t attend everyday, tuition lesson almost everyday(except fridays and saturdays) and apart from that, i have assignments t submit every term, revision work after lectures, workout regime i kinda follow, friends t meet up w, shopping w mom and blahblahblah.. Despite having sooo much t do, i manage t get t bed before 12AM almost everyday. Sometimes even earlier. Idk how i manage t do that but i just did. 

But i guess that explains why im always in a state of rushing.  I always tell myself i dont have time t waste. Cause my schedule is usually super packed. If im late for something all th things after will get delayed. When i say my schedule is super packed, im not kiddding. 

An example of my usual weekday: 

Usually i will be up by around 8AM 

So.. 

8AM-9AM: Wash up & breakfast time 

9AM-10:30AM: exercise time 

10:30AM-11:30AM: cool down and prepare for school 

11:30AM-12:15AM: travelling time. So when im in th bus, i will either be reading a book or reading through ws that i want my tutee t do later. So that i will be prepared. 

12:15-3:15PM: lecture 

3:15pm-4pm: travelling time (rushing for tuition) 

4pm-8PM: tuition 

8PM-8:30PM: travel home. (by this time, i will look like a zombie in th bus.) 

8:30PM-9PM: dinner time!! (Usually i will be too hungry t eat alot.)

9pm-10PM: shower, mask blahblah 

10PM-11:30PM: school assignment/homework/mark kids' work. 

11:30PM: on my bed, getting ready t zz. 

So this routine will repeat for th 5 weekdays except friday. 

I insist of not having fixed tuition on friday and saturday because i guess apart from working hard, i need time t rest and have fun too. (: 

So, finally today marks th end of my crazy and hectic, full time student and semi full time tutor role. Hahahaaa. Happt yet feeling empty. I guess i wont be used t staying at home all day... Time t find some activities t keep myself busy~ 

Time will heal everything and anything.

Time is really flying too fast. It's alr th mid of May now. (And Another 12 more days t my birthday!!) 

Hmm, I can remember clearly how I was feeling so so upset during this period of th day. As much as I can remember what had happened, I can no longer feel th sadness/hatred. Guess I have really grown out of it. 

Its amazing how time can really heal everything.. A year ago, I was feeling like my whole world is going t collapse and I'm gonna die when a person leave my life. And now, a year later, I'm still surviving and perhaps grow even stronger!! Nothing about him has any impact on me anymore. No one phone call from him can set me thinking for th whole day. No one message from him can affect me anymore. Perhaps some of you reading this may be experiencing th same thing. Know that it's not gonna be easy, but surely things will get better. Be patience and give yourself ample time. Time will heal everything.. 

Well, my 20th birthday in 12 days. That's less than 2 weeks later? Hmm, thinking back, how I spent my birthday last year? I really have no idea. Idk why but I can barely remember who celebrated my birthday w me and where did I go for birthday dinner w my family.. May 2013's memory seems t be completely deleted from my brain. Th only thing I can rmb is going for dinner w Aline on 29th and th girls came t my house t surprise me w a cake.. Th rest? Hmmm, I just can't..

Well, I don't wish for a very special birthday this year, I just hope for a simple yet happy birthday. Because I learnt that being happy is more important than anything else. Good night guys! xoxo. 

A little sense of guilt and remorse

Looking through some of th photos we took during JC times.. I really wonder why our class just don't work out. We are just not close at all. Hmmm, is it Really because we are peoeple from different world and we all just don't clique? Or we simply didn't try hard enough? I always ask myself.. If we tried harder t accept each other, perhaps we will be a super united class? And perhaps my results and attitude towards studies back then will change? 

I always believe that there's a very close relationship between your result and if you love your school/class.. If you like your classmates/school, you will most likely do well in school because you love going t school and will want t listen. Sighs.. Am I regretting not studying hard enough now? Yes, I guess I am.. Each time I look back I will feel very upset. Why didn't I try harder back then? Why did I just give up on my studies completely? What went wrong?!?! Guess it will be one of th greatest regret in my life.. Perhaps if I did something different in that 2 years, my life would have been changed altogether.. 

I wonder what will I be doing now if I never give up on myself 3 years back.. 

Transformation

I am on my way t church now for Sunday service.. Guess it's because I haven't been updating my diary hence many thoughts have been going through my head. Just feel like pening them down. (Okay in this case, typing them out) 

Even since I started t attend Sunday service and CG meeting weekly, I have been reflecting a lot on how I have been leading my life so far.. And how I can change t be someone better. 

Idk if it's pure coincident or it's really God's arrangement, we have been touching on topics that are really relatable t me. It seems like everything we talk about is something I'm struggling w. All th bad habits that I want t get rid of for th past years.. 

Like for example, Afew weeks ago. We were discussing about how Jesus saved everyone regardless of their sins. He never judge. And we should never too. Judging people has been something I'm struggling w. I know it's never right t judge. It's wrong even if we judge in our heart. But I judge even before i get t know someone. 

So, right after that session, I told myself okay, I should really stop. But  then... Few days later I realise I start criticizing people and all. URGH feel like slapping myself. I want t change but then I failed all th time. TSK. 

This brings us t th topic we discussed 2 weeks ago.. Do everyone deserve a second chance t change? Do I deserve another chance t change despite failing so many times? I remember very clearly I told my CG members that I feel that everyone deserve a chance t change. we should never doubt their ability t. However, yesterday I was pretty furious about a friend and I tweeted ' A leopard never changes its spots' see! Am I contradicting myself?!?? I don't even give people a chance t change, how do I expect people t give me that chance t.. Now t think about it, I realise it is really difficult t kick off all th bad habits and change.. Change needs time. And we should give people time t change.. 

I'm really thankful for all th things taught in church and my CG. I can see a slight change in myself. I learned t be more thankful for things around me, I will try not t talk back t my parents as much as possible, I will put myself in other's shoes and try t think in different perspectives.. 

I really hope I will be transformed into someone better and lead a happier and fruitful life. (: 

1/4 filled

I feel so bad for neglecting this place. ): its 3 months into 2014. enjoying my holiday so far. :D i kinda cant wait for school to start though. cant stand wasting my life lazing away at home. keke.

So,  a quick update of my 2014.. 

lets track back t January!!

I finished my first year of school at th start of January!! YAYYYYY! was really really happy. :D 

and and, i finally got my driving license. was really happy that i passed. 

Because it is really draining all my savings. ): and now that i passed, i can spend my $$ on other stuffs instead of saving every single cents just for the lesson. Driving lesson is really damn expensive. urgh! i spent like nearly $3k just t get my license. but i guess its worth it. Because im one step nearer t driving my pink beetle! :D :D 

This year's Chinese New Year falls in January too. it was kinda okay as usual. had visiting blahblah. Chinese new year period served as a break for me from some tuition. so can relax alil more hehes. 

Moving on t February..

hmmmm, February was a really busy month for me. Took up a 3 weeks relief duty in Hillgrove. i had t teach one sec 1 class and a sec 4 class. it was really challenging and tiring t teach. especially when some kids are really naughty and noisy. some simply cant keep their mouths shut. URGGGH. damn annoying ahhh. i feel that its really a great experience for me because i get t experience how it is being a teacher because i decide if i want t be a teacher in future. but i guess im having second thought about teaching as a career. It is not that i dont like teaching etc. but it is really difficult t handle a big group of kids. I really dont have that fierce and firm face/voice. students arent scared of me at all. T.T 

Celebrated Audrey's birthday with sharmain and xuanwen. was really excited about it. cause we planned a surprise celebration at M hotel. Was really really happy that Audrey was happpppppy!!! and had a great time catching up w th girls. really hope we have more time w each other. i really really miss meeting them regularly and just laze around. ): 

March was a superrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr relaxinggg/lepak month for me.. After a month of relieving and tutoring, I feel that i really need more rest. it is really tiring t relief in th morning and give tuition in th afternoon. i spent almost 12 hours a day teaching. I pity my brain cells. ): hahahas. So, this march, i was at home most of th time in th morning and going for tuition only after 3pm. it is better this way because i get t sleep more. :D

Had our annual 2E1 chalet last week. I had th most fun this chalet out of th other 8 that we went. This is also th chalet that we eat and sleep th most. hahahas we practically spent our entire chalet stay in th chalet lazing around, gambling. th only time we get out is t get our stomach filled up. hahahahas. Pretty much what i want t do for now. and i really really enjoy spending time w my dear 2e1. despite meeting just once a year, we never feel distant. we dont need any warm up time etc. we are just as close as before. Im really really thankful for being in that class. AWWW. Each time when i go for chalet, i always feel that we are back t that 14-15 years old period. I MISS US SO SO MUCH. though it was said that this will be our class chalet, i really hope we will still meetup, maybe not for chalet but at least meet up once a year. (:

March is coming t an end again. OMG. How fast can it be!!!! hahahas. Loooooking forward t April and May! May th upcoming months be as happy and enjoyable. <3 div="" nbsp="">

Happy 2014

Happy new year guys! hope 2014 has been good for everyone so far. :D Actually im suppose t be doing a post t sum up 2013 but im lazy (as usual) so will be doing that like maybe next week? 

So, 2014. yes.. A brand new year. hmmm, i am going to be 20 years old this year. wowww, sounds so old yeah? hahahas, indeed. hehehs. 

Well, new year, new resolution right? 

hmmmmm, i havent got time t actually sit down and think of what i wannna achieve this year yet. so new year resolution is not out yet. ): HAHAH

so for whether or not i achieve my last year's new year resolution, hmmmm, let me see..

so my new year resolution for 2013 was..

1) Improved skin complexion

2) driving license 

3) save $1000

4) Ace my studies

5) learn ukulele

6) lose weight

HAHAHA. So,

1) Improved skin complexion

i think this is kinda accomplished considering th fact that my face reallyy got much better now compared t previously. hehehs. all thannks to all my effort and money spent on facial products like better facial cleanser, facial toner, moisturizer, sheet masks, clay masks, peel off masks, sleeping masks blahblahblah. 

2) Driving license

hmmm, not quite.. im still half way there, hopefully i will be able t get my license before chinese new year! 

3) Save $1000

HMMMM, i kinda did but spent it on driving lessons. ): spent so much on driving. ): really hope i can pass my TP!!!

4) Ace my studies.

well, for this, i kinda did because out of th 6 modules that i did so far, i got A for 4/6 of them. with 1 B and 1 C for th other two. So i kinda did well la. hehehs. 

5) Learn ukulele

I went for lesson t learn ukulele during june/july period. learnt all th chords alr.. but have yet t play and sing. 

6) lose weight

speaking of losing weight, it has been a mini roller coaster for me. My weight is still th same as last year. but throughout 2013, it has gone up and down up and down. sighs. so saddening. 

so, i sort of manage t achieve most of them.. hehes. pretty glad.. May 2014 be as smooth sailing. <3 div="">