Fear

Really feel that life is very fragile after hearing so many deaths recently. We are only half way through th second month of 2012 and it's th 4th death that I heard of alr. First was during CNY, my cousin's dad passed away after a battle w some cancer. Though it's expected that he will pass on soon but when I got t know about it, was kinda shock. next one was pretty recent, I guess it's last week? One of th founder of Singapore or rather one of th leader, Dr Toh Chin Chye, that build Singapore up died. Few days ago, Whitney Houston died too. And got t know that a Taiwan singer, fengfeifei passed away too. All of this happened within a month. A month and there's so many people who are gone alr. Idk isit because I'm getting older and I got t know more stuff, it seems like there's more people dying than last time. Im really living in fear. Not fearing that I will die but rather fearing of losing any of my loved ones. My 4 grandparents are getting old. And I can tell that theyre not as healthy as they used t. Like my paternal grandfather, he used t be very healthy, no sickness whatever. But recently he's getting sick easily, constantly feeling giddy and was hospitalized last year cause he fainted at home. My paternal grandparents only have each other t depend on now when they're at home. Really cannot imagine what will happen if any one of them left first.

Last November, dad went for a heart operation. really thank god that it's very successful and he recovered faster than expected. Spent one whole week in th hospital. Was really tiring t rush up and down th hospital everyday. Everyone was wore out after every visit t th hospital. But it's only after this incident that I realize how dependent we are on my dad. He did almost everything for us at home. From small lil things like preparing breakfast for me, watering th plant, t fixing lights and stuffa at home,driving us around. That week when he's not around, all th plants outside turned yellow. Cause we all totally forgot about it.
Teared th most that week when he was hospitalized.
Cried when he was pushed into th operation theatre cause we were very worried.
Cried when we visit him in th IUC right after his operation that night.
Cried when we saw him th next morning cause he look all pale and weak.
Cried when we saw him tear cause he was experiencing great pain after operating.
Cried when we saw him trying so hard during physiotherapy t th extent that he tear cause it hurts so Badly. t think about it, th experience was terrible. Feeling so helpless back then when I see him in pain. There so lil that we can do t help to relieve his pain. 3 months passed and dad's recovering speedyly. I think I will really go crazy if anything amiss happened during his operation back then..

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