You're my Hero.

In th past, i used t think that my family is perfect. We used t be like th best family on Earth. Spending every Sunday together. Celebrating everyone's birthday. having outings once in a while. have dinner together for most of th weekends. craps about every single thing we can think of. laughed aloooooooot while gossiping about people. th whole house will be super noisy whenever th whole family is at home as we will contribute t all th conversation and th house will practically sound like a market though there is only 5 of us.

however, i dk since when, we start t drift apart. probably its inevitable as we all grow up and we have our own commitment so we will see each other less and are not as close as we used t. but even so, i have never thought that i will have any family issue. th word is NEVER. but recently, i realise that i got piss w my family members more especially my parents. i dont seem t be able t communicate well w them sometimes. i know its due t my sucky attitude but sorry i really cant help it back t talk back whenever my parents scold me. ): i will always feel guilty each time i quarrel w them but who will say sorry right!

Brother hasnt been home early recently which really piss my dad off. ): and dad has been continuously nagging about us not listening t him etc. and due t stress from work and me coming home late today. he finally exploded.. guess he's feeling daaaamn pissed/pekcek/angry/stress up since a long time ago and finally he let it out today totally.. yes, im unlucky enough t be th one who step on th atomic bomb. like i havent been going out lately and its my first time after sooooo long getting home after 12am and he got mad because of tthat. everyone in th family know that its not because of me who caused him t explode but th accumulation of events. SO.. when i reach home today, what i saw was mommy, sister clearing th mess at home. met my brother downstairs and he told me alil about what happened. only got t know dad was mad and he broke our glass coffee table. was really SHOCK. went home and sister told me more...

its actually sort of my mom's fault actually. cause she kept nagging and got him agitated and he kicked a chair and it hit th leg of th table and it broke and th table collapse. and he start shouting and throwing things.. and as my dad just had his operation and have not recover fully yet, he cant use too much strength but he exert too much strength while scolding and stuffs and caused his chest t hurt. SIGHS, my mom is always like that. cant stop nagging for once. and seriously, i dont think she uses her brain t think before she speaks. she always say things that she shouldnt and cause unnecessary problems. like its th 4567890987th times that dad exploded because of all her nagging as they sort of like trigger his anger. but those explosions were mild. TODAY'S one was really a major one. YES, a nuclear explosion probably.

really worry alot for him.. His health is not at their optimum now and hes not taking good care about himself. all he care about is US and US. he never think for himself. NEVER ONCE! he's really doing too much for th family. he have been working t support th family since 21 years old. since then, he have been working damn hard. working day and night just t have enough for th family. now that he has some achievement in his work, his health is suffering. and us as children are not understanding at all.

SOMETIMES i really think we are sucha failure. whats th point of studying so much when we do not have moral values?

i really feel very guilty for not sparing some thought for my dad sometimes. like all i think of is my mom and my mom. i will get my mom present for mothers' day but never a gift for my dad during fathers' day. i will buy good food for my mom but never my dad. i get expensive gift for my mom's birthday but never my dad. Hes doing so much for th family but at th end of th day what he got from us is hatred for him for scolding us etc. I REALLY FEEEL SO BAD NOW.

I seriously think i should do something t my actions and attitude towards my dad before its too late. i remember during his stay in hopsital i cried so much because i realise how important he is t our family and we are very dependent on him and how I cant lose sucha good DADDY. SO from today on, i should stop angering him and be a nice daughter and spare more thought for him and get good result t make him proud so that his contribution for th family is worthwhile!

urgh, tears cant stop flowing out while im typing this post. why am i being so emotional tonight?! ):

goodnight everyone, i promise a post t update about my life recently soon..