Trust none.

Never in my life did I feel more troubled over financial issue than today. I really regret for being sucha crazy money spender who spend almost every cents I have. Since th beginning of this year, I have been paying everything I spent on myself. Everything includes transportation, food, shopping, phone bill etc. Though I earn like $1k plus from tuition, money seems t be never enough for me. I have a habit of buying things on impulsion. So that explains why money flows out of my pocket very quickly. 

Since like April, I know that I need t save like at least $1.5k for my driving. At that time, I was thinking, it's still long till my TP la. I have more than enough time.. I just kept telling that until September then I realize that, hey I don't have much time till oct t save my $1.5k.  And true enough, I don't have enough t pay for my driving and now I'm like on loan. And for th next 2 months I guess all my earnings got t be spent on paying my dad back and t pay for my bills and transportation. I just felt really stressed up over money now thinking that I have t pay off my that few hundreds dollar debt and my bills everything. Especially when some of my kids stop tuition lessons during th holidays (which means less income). Where t find money?!?? 

I never fail t blame myself each time I think of how broke am I now. Reason 1: I will think Like why can't i save alil and spend less?!!! Reason 2: why am I so silly back then t lend him so much money?!?! 

I know I shouldnt be posting this here but I really can't take it anymore. Yes, I had stupidly lend quite a lot of money t someone I trusted and who ( I thought) loved me a lot and now that he left, he's taking forever t return though he promised t transfer me like every month. I seriously dk how t fucking get it back from him as he seems t have no intention in returning. I texted him t ask and each time I asked, he will come back scolding me for giving him attitude when I didn't. Can you all tell me what is this?!?! Now who is th debtor and who is th creditor?!?! Why do I get scolded when he owes me $$?!?! Can anyone tell me what t do?!?! As much as I want t just give up th money, I really need those money back BADLY.. ): that is like partly th reason why I'm having debts now la. just can't help but tear each time I think of it. It's my money and yet i get scolded when I asked it back. I tried begging, I tried scolding, I tried talking nicely and all but nothing works. What else can I do? Threaten t kill myself? Probably tht will do right? Though I know telling my family might work, I know I will get reprimanded for being stupid. So I rather not. Fuck my life seriously.. 

Guess I can only work my ass off and earn enough t pay everything and forget about my $500. Because I know it will never come back t me.. Moral of th story: trust no one.